Elections in DC used to be easy. Remember Marion Barry? It didn’t matter that he was a crack head who liked prostitutes. The residents of the District knew who he was without effort and so they would vote for him. I think his campaign slogan was “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.” Yeah he was a crack head, but the other guy could have been a meth head….we didn’t know. And isn’t crack better than meth?
The one thing that is important about the DC primary for you non DC-ers is that…well….we don’t elect republicans to office. So even though there are republicans and independents and the ever popular DC Statehood Green Party candidate, it really comes down to the democratic primary. Whoever wins that primary gets to be mayor. That’s just the way it works here in the nation’s capital. So in the spirit of getting to know the devil, here are the candidates who’s names will appear on the various primary ballots for Mayor of Washington DC.
Michael A. Brown (D): Not to be confused with the other Michael “Heckuva a Job Brownie” Brown of FEMA fame, this Michael Brown is the son of Ron Brown, the late commerce secretary during the Clinton Administration. According to the Washington Post, Michael enjoys “playing basketball with [his] children and enjoy[s] a few holes of golf." I wonder if he also likes moonlight walks on the beach? His campaign platform includes the public schools, affordable housing, public safety and economic prosperity for the city.
Linda W. Cropp (D): Linda is currently the chairwoman of the DC Counsel. She has been officially endorsed by current mayor Anthony Williams. She has spent the past few days attacking fellow candidate Adrian Fenty for being soft on crime because he didn’t vote for a crime emergency bill that would put Georgetown in a biosphere bubble. Her “vision for DC” includes bettering the public schools, providing affordable housing, public safety, and economic prosperity.
Nestor Djonkam (D): Nestor grew up on a coffee farm in Cameroon and came to the US in 1990 to attend the Lincoln Technical Institute. According to his website, Nestor’s political accomplishments include being a US citizen and participating in the campaigns of Bill Clinton, Al Gore, John Kerry, Anthony Williams and Tim Kaine. His platform centers on education, housing, crime and economic development. More importantly his webpage taps into the often forgotten French speaking demographic.
Adrian M. Fenty (D): I read recently that Adrian is the current front runner in this race. That doesn’t surprise me. He looks like a younger, balder version of Tony Williams (minus the bow tie). I am sure this has something to do with his success. Adrian would like to better the DC schools, bring affordable homes to the middle and lower class citizens of the city, reduce crime and bring economic expansion to the city.
Marie C. Johns (D): Marie invited me to a picnic last weekend, but I couldn’t attend. Running on the 8th grade campaign strategy of “give people food,” Marie actually held a picnic on August 6th at Highview Park. The picnic included pony rides and a moon bounce for the ever crucial under age 10 voter, a DJ, and food. Marie, the former President and CEO of Verizon, thought for some weird reason that people from all over the city would want to hang out in SE. Shows how well she knows this city. Marie’s platform includes fixing the public schools, giving the people affordable home opportunities, fighting crime, and stimulating economic growth. If only she would promise free pizza every Friday.
Dave Kranich (R): I actually saw this guy standing on the corner of Wisconsin and Massachusetts holding signs and waiving to cars the other morning. That takes a lot of energy. Waiving like Miss America while holding a sign that says “Honk for Kranich” isn’t easy. Neither is being the only Republican candidate in a city that doesn’t vote Republican. His official online campaign began yesterday but you can tell no one is donating to this guy. Other than his website, there is nothing about him on the internet other than this picture of him looking like a tool. His official vision includes education, housing, economic development and instead of crime, he is focusing on the problem of beautifying our parks. I am sure park beautification is one of the top concerns of the average Anacostia voter.
Artee Milligan Jr. (D): According to his website, he is “running for mayor because our leadership has failed us and has allowed DC residents to be run forced out of the city due to the lack of affordable housing.” First off, I like my candidates to run a grammar check on their sentences. Residents run forced out of the city? Were they run out or forced out? Stop flip flopping and pick one already. Not the best job from someone who teaches people how to read. Among other things, he promises to fix our schools, provide affordable housing, make our city safe and provide jobs for DC residents.
Vincent B. Orange Sr. (D): First off I would like to say Kudos to Vincent for actually speaking on his website. However, this might not be the brightest idea for those of us who are at work when we go to his website. He is also, unfortunately, the man who claims responsibility for bring the club LOVE (formally Dream) to DC and I will hold him responsible for that! His platform includes education (his wife is a special education teacher), affordable housing, reducing crime and bringing economic growth to the city.
Chris Otten (Statehood-Green): The first thing to know about Chris Otten is that his webpage really sucks. I am a flash and graphics, catch my eye and let me know people are donating money to you kind of voter. His page lacks the pizzazz that I initially look for in my candidates. His platform is lengthy and includes public schools, affordable housing, public safety and yep you guessed it…economic prosperity for the city.
So check out your local devil and see who you want to vote for. Me personally, I am going with the one who wants to better our public schools, provide affordable housing, lower crime and bring economic prosperity to the city. Wait a second that is pretty much all of them…